|
Who
|
When
|
What
|
|
Big
Craig
|
15/8/05
(shortly before our 11s game against the Forbes GunnErs kicked off)
|
"Sorry
mate, completely
forgot. Got 2 ear infections on hol
and am as deaf as a post."
|
|
Big
Craig
|
20/12/05
|
"I
am not going 2 make it the nite
mate. Thought I would but still up 2 my f*ckin
neck in Xmas shoppin
and not half way done yet!"
|
|
Murray
|
20/12/05
|
"I'm
gonna skip it, have a
cold and want rid of it by Chrimbo."
|
|
Big
Craig
|
17/1/06
|
"I
have a last minute appointment with my solicitor
today at 4.40 pm in Leith in connection with my
new house we get the keys for on Friday."
|
|
SBJ
|
27/3/06
|
"Canae make it (5s) as its
me Gran's 90th."
|
|
Al
|
27/4/06
|
"Forgot
to put a top in my bag, so won't be there
tonight."
|
|
Mike
'NS' Boyle
|
16/6/06
|
"Have
a cracked rib which I reckon is from a few weeks
ago on a Tuesday night, when Bill and I bumped
into each other - no worries, it's one of those
things, but it's hurt since then - altho'
only got worse this week and forced me to go to
docs."
|
|
Finlay
|
14/11/06
|
"Sorry
about the no show - got asked to do a mercy dash
by Steve the Cat at 5.45. His daughter is at the
same nursery as ours and he couldn't get back in
time to pick her up since all the trains were
delayed last night. He asked me to go and pick her
up until he managed to get home - which turned out
to be 7 pm having left on the 5 pm train from
Waverley."
|
|
Adrian
|
26/3/07
|
"Went
for a ten mile run on the Sunday and was stupid
enough to play last Tuesday despite the fact that
my foot had swollen up and gone a wee bit purple!"
|
|
Ryan
|
10/4/07
|
"a cant play cruched
th top of me finger
off last week and had to get it reconstructed.. no activities till next
week so c you then. got
it crushed by wieghtws
at the gym, pretty painful its
alright now tho went
to a plastic surgeon and he sorted it for me. i
will be bacik next tue."
|
|
SBJ
|
16/4/07
|
"Had
a wee shunt end of last week and have slightly brused ribs so will give
it a miss tomorrow but should be ok for next
week."
|
|
Wee
Craig
|
26/6/07
|
"
I
gave blood this morning, so no exercise for 48
hours."
|
|
Ryan
|
24/7/07
|
"No
joke here, locked out
of the house and have to get changed at Martins.
This means I cant
get in to get any dosh!!
like I did before I
will bring £10 along with me next Tue."
|
|
Kenny
|
5/1/08
|
"No
- in Hong Kong working for next two weeks!"
|
|
Darrell
|
14/1/08
|
"I'm
out for Tuesday. I had a wisdom tooth removed last
Thursday and any knock to my cheek could set my
healing back a few weeks."
|
|
Darrell
|
4/2/08
|
"Unable
to play as I've had my other wisdom tooth removed
and a knock would prove a major set
back in my recovery!"
|
|
Darrell
|
19/2/08
|
"I'm
out for this evening. Apologies - I've left my kit
at home! How old am I?"
|
|
Ryan
|
5/3/08
(a Wednesday)
|
"Vry sorry bill I was just
back from NZ n fell asleep with jet lag ... Never
woke up until this mornin."
|
|
Zyco
|
12/5/08
|
"I
would but I'm actually off to Murrayfield
for a training session with the Scotland Rugby
team strength and conditioning coach on Tuesday
now."
|
|
Rory
|
12/5/08
|
"im
afraid I cant make it
tommorrow night. Just
finished the Dunfermline half marathon and my legs
are like jelly."
|
|
James
Hare
|
7/7/08
|
"I'm
playing in a Pro Evolution Soccer tournament
tomorrow night Bill - sorry!"
|
|
Darrell
|
4/8/08
|
"Can't
make the 11's game as I'm (in) Espana
obtaining burnt skin and a tennis game to be proud
of. "
|
|
Pauline
|
26/8/08
|
"I
must have had the wrong socks and shoes on at the
weekend, as I've got awful blisters."
|
|
Nick
|
3/10/08
|
"Can't
play next week, I'm going to some charity concert
thing!"
|
|
Scott
|
3/10/08
|
"Won’t
make Tuesday, couple of cracked ribs after my game
last night so better let them heel for a week or
so."
|
|
SBJ
|
13/10/08
|
"I'm
stuffed with the cold which is getting worse by
the minute so having to call off tomorrow, unfit."
|
|
Zyco
|
15/12/08
|
"My
Xmas Lunch is tomorrow, totally forgot about it.
As much as I’d love to play the copious amounts of
booze I will have had by 6pm will make it near
impossible.
You can put that excuse up on the web site."
|
|
Darrell
|
23/1/09
|
"Doctor
has advised that I don't play as I almost snapped
my metatarsal kicking Graeme.
Will be back in the following week once the
swelling has gone down!"
|
|
Zyco
|
26/1/09
|
"I’m
going to have to drop out.
Nasty ingrowing
toenail issue, the result of losing both big
toenails recently, one I think I actually ripped off
at football.
Looks like it’s going to cost me £180 to get it
sorted privately, hoping to get it done this week
and be back next week.
It’s not too bad but football has been making it
worse each week, especially as it’s on my left foot.
Don’t want to ruin my marathon training as well."
|
|
Stu
Blackhall
|
17/3/09
|
"Bill
I Regret to inform you that i
cant
play tonite, i
took an injury at football last nite
that has left me with a hugley
swollen left hand and a big gash above my right
eye. My mum told me that i
shouldnt play, she is
probably right.
I Was in goal and this guy who has the most powerfull shot ever
blasted one at me from 10m away i
brought my hands up and saved it but took what
felt like a hammer blow to my skull. Which
put me straight to the floor.
I have butterfly stiches
on my head now and i
need to wait a few days to make sure the wound
will heal properly.
Stu"
|
|
Stu
Blackhall
|
18/4/09
|
"Dude
just so u know ... i
have dislocated my shoulder at rugby 2day and will
be out for football for a few weeks ... gutted
..."
|
|
Pete
Swan
|
7/10/09
|
"Genuine apologies, Brewster gave my garage key to
the cleaner and she took it home with her. I phoned
everyone who i knew who
was coming from the middle of town but no one could
give me a lift.
I partly blame Jay, he knew what i
was phoning for but ignored me cos
he's too cheap to come and give a mate a lift.
In short, it's scott
and Jay's fault."
|
|
James
Hare
|
12/10/09
|
"Sorry
Bill, really sore throat so will not be able to
make it."
|
|
Gary
Lees
|
19/10/09
|
"I
dont know why I said
yes to tomorrow night.
I am going to skip it this week.
Caught the dreaded cold and coughing fit thing
going about!"
|
|
Darrell
McHardy
|
19/10/09
|
"Will
need to pass on 8's this Tuesday as I'm feeling
rough. Lengthy weekend in Dublin and surrounding
country has left me in tatters."
|
|
David
Carruthers
|
19/10/09
|
"I'm not after a game of fitba
- got the sniffles."
(then, after a deserved slagging
about being a ponce)
"But my ears are bunged up and my sinuses are
really sore. Surely at this difficult time of the
swine flu epidemic you can find it in your heart to
have some sympathy and save the humiliation of being
named and shamed in the Real Excuses page?!"
|
|
Stu
Blackhall
|
19/10/09
|
"I
have got a wee problem regarding playing tomoz
aswell ......my folks
have had to go to South Africa last min and have
left me to run the buisiness
and the dog.......as normal i
wuld come to footy
straight from work - but i
will have my dog.......
Im not sure how
sensible it is to tie him up while we are
playing.........."
|
|
Pete
Preston
|
20/10/09
|
(Missing
due to having Swine Flu - beat that,
boys!)
|
|
Rory
|
3/11/09
|
"My
car battery has gone flat bill. I don't think I
will be able to make it tonight."
|
|
Pete
Swan
|
9/11/09
|
"Sorry
- in Beunos (sic)
Aires, back in a couple of weeks."
|
|
'Diddums' Blackhall
|
1/12/09
|
"You
have my place, Bill - it was too cold last week,
and I didn't enjoy it."
|
|
Dale
|
30/3/10
(Typhoon Tuesday)
|
"I am flood(ed) in at
work, will not be able to make football, cannot
even leave the office at the moment."
(Response from Stu, who had to drop out as a
result of Dale calling off: "Mate I have taken an
hour off work 2 go
home and get my kit. And I'm not playing cause
Dale has spun you a line about his 3rd floor
office gettin flooded")
|
|
John
|
6/4/10
|
"Slight
hamstring injury so best not
risk it."
|
|
Sheepy
Mike
|
9/7/10
|
"Went
over my ankle playing golf on Wednesday, up like a
balloon, fingers crossed it’s nothing too drastic,
I’ll find out next week when the swelling comes
down I suppose."
|
|
Darrell
|
21/9/10
|
"Man
flu alert. I will be a no show this evening. Sorry
for the short notice."
|
|
Phil
|
25/9/10
(the day before our 11s game against the HotScots)
|
"Billy
big balls bad news. Not going to make footy.
Missed connecting flight from Gatwick so won't be
back in time."
|
|
Gary
|
26/9/10
(the day of our 11s game against the HotScots)
|
"Alrite Bill, bad news.
Woke up today with a dirty cough and feel like
shit. Sorry to pull out."
|
|
Fahd
|
26/9/10
(six minutes before our 11s game against the HotScots)
|
"Sorry
to let u down can't make it mate."
|
|
Biggsy,
Phil
|
21/12/10
|
(Late
call offs from our last game of 2010 due to
being winded after going sledging)
|
|
Mike
'Edna' Boyle
|
4/1/11
|
"Shit,
sorry bill. Got to go and see Hairspray tonight."
|
|
Darrell
|
5/3/11
(the day of our 11s game against Bay FC)
|
"I'm
out for today. Looked like Gollum last night and
could barely walk!"
|
|
Phil
|
1/4/11
|
"Too
busy billy putting up
all the marquees for melrose
7 's and stuff."
|
|
Rory
|
8/4/11
|
"I
cant
play next tuesday as
im going to see
Christy Moore in the Queens hall. Its
not very rock n roll but he does terrific
traditional irish
music.
I know most of the songs."
|
|
Mike
Walker
|
3/5/11
|
"Dude
- I'm going to have to bail on tonights game - my
heatings packed in and
I've got a boy coming round after work to take a
look! The football gods aren't smiling on me at
the moment!"
|
|
Rory
|
10/5/11
(after missing 8s)
|
"Apologies
Bill. I was sucked into a meeting that lasted 3
hours of which there were 3 people attending of
which I was one."
|
|
Matty
|
13/5/11
|
"I
won't be there next Tuesday. I'm cycling from edinburgh to iona
(200 miles roughly) for the Hospice setting off on
the Wednesday. I think I should save myself."
|
|
Mike
'TMI' Boyle
|
16/5/11
|
""Hello,
you got someone who can step into the breach,
Bill? We've got a major issue that I'm having to
head through to Hamilton just now for, not
envisaging much sleep tonight. A planned upgrade
has f*cked major
systems and it's me who's
going to have to drop my trousers and take the
retribution."
|
|
Sam
|
22/5/11
|
"Sorry
Bill been out of touch as was getting married this
weekend."
|
|
Gary
|
27/5/11
|
"Unable
to play next week bill. Baby-sitting duties!"
|
|
Mike
Walker
|
31/5/11
|
"Morning
bill - I'm going to have to pull out of 5s tonight
- slept funny and I've pulled something in my neck
- pish !!"
|
|
Gary
|
12/6/11
|
"Alrite, going to have to
pull out of footy for a few weeks. Done my knee in
at the Caledonian Challenge yesterday."
|
|
Dave
Murray
|
15/7/11
|
"Can't
make it Bill - shanked
my hamstring on the treadmill yesterday and it
feels pretty bad - reckon might be out for a
couple of weeks :-( "
|
|
Jim
Hardie
|
23/7/11
(99 minutes before our 11s game against Gormadona
FC)
|
"Mate
it pains me to write this pathetic text but went
to meet Robson (George Best) for a beer last night
and just got home 3 hours ago. Rather than just
not turn up for football I want to let u know I
will not make it. Massive apologies and let's put
this down as a one off. Obviously he will turn up,
puke, pass out and score a hat trick. Cheers."
|
|
Mike
Boyle
|
2/8/11
(11s vs FC Farcelona)
|
"Bill. how we placed
tonight, how many subs we got? Went over my ankle on
a f*cking
rolll of cling film at
work today, if we're short I'll play and freeze the
f*cker but will dropout
if we've got the bodies. It was a big f*ckoff
rolll of clingfilm
for our warehouse before you say anything!"
|
|
Mike
Boyle
|
5/8/11
(see above)
|
"It
was a big f*ckoff roll
of clingfilm, my
back's been f*cked
ever since as I must have jarred it when I fell."
|
|
Rory
|
4/11/11
|
"I
can't play next tuesday
as im going to see
The Darkness in the HMV picturehouse,
I know its poor but I didnt
buy the tickets."
|
|
Jim
Hardie (explaining a
late call off by flat mate Swanny)
|
27/3/12
|
"He's
got his period"
|
|
Jay
|
1/5/12
|
"Sorry
if I was a bit out of sorts last week, Bill - I
thought I had p*nis
cancer."
|
|
Mike
J
|
10/7/12
|
"Mate,
I don't believe this, I havnt
got my key to the house for my stuff. Kelly
doesn't finish until 6 and I can't get in.
Initially when I left this morning I was gonna
work until after this. Sorry to f*ck you around
but I can't even get in my own house."
|
|
Jordan
|
7/8/12
|
(Late
call off from 8s due to having to get a bit of
stone removed from his foot)
|
|
Fahd
|
26/10/12
(11s vs Scottish
Parliament)
|
"I
have to bail - it's Eid
... can't play ... had a bad day at work"
|
|
Fergus
|
26/10/12
(as above)
|
"Bill,
I've just f*cked my
back digging a hole at work, I'm not gonna
make it tonight as much as I'd like too"
|
|
Yasser
|
3/9/13
|
'Bill,
I fell asleep on my couch ...'
|
|
Sam
|
21/8/14
|
"Off
to the Celtic game boss so cant"
|
|
Wee
Graham
|
3/10/16
|
"Ah.
I just realised I wouldn't be able to play
tomorrow as its my
rabbits birthday"
|
|
Craig
|
17/11/16
(though also used at various other points in 2016)
|
"I’m
unavailable to play next week as I’ll be at
Gleneagles"
|
|
Cameron
|
6/12/16
|
"I
can't play next week as I'm going to see 'Mama
Mia' with my mum"
|
|
Natu
|
19/7/17
(Thursday 5s)
|
"Playing
ultimate Frisbee I’m afraid!"
|
|
Matt
|
7/8/17
|
"Might be out for a little while … smashed my hip
while I was in Berlin. It's not broken - well least
don’t think so - just very badly bruised! The whole
hip is black. Was more down to stupidity - fell
onto a raised tram line ... nightmare!"
|
|
Wee
Graham
|
30/10/17
|
"Sorry
I cant play, we are
carving pumpkins"
|
|
Frank
Gilroy
|
18/2/18
|
"Hi
m8, I won’t be able to play Tuesday, I will be
getting a tattoo on my calf 2moro"
|
|
Dave
Brunger
|
8/10/18
|
"Had
a big shunt at go karting
yesterday so leg and knee very sore since"
|
|
Adam
McMurchie
|
11/10/18
|
"I
am a no, I'm afraid Bill - I am attending a hackathon"
|
|
Greg
|
8/2/19
|
"Can’t
I’m afraid - going to see Les Miserables"
|
|
Natu
|
8/2/19
|
"I
strained my hammy running after a Frisbee last
night so I'm a doubt"
|
| Darrell |
3/6/19 |
"Au pair just arrived so I best give it a week
before I dump her in it" |
| Brian |
19/8/19 |
"Apologies but I’m going to have to cancel tomorrow,
went fell running over the weekend and did a number on
my left ankle" |
| Gary |
5/11/19 |
(Had to call off because he had to comfort his
dog Mason, who's afraid of loud noises, on Bonfire
Night - same excuse also trotted out in 2021)
|
| Phil Cragg |
2/1/20 (regarding an upcoming pub night) |
"I'm doing the Crystal Maze in London that evening" |
| Gus |
20/1/20 |
"Can't actually make Tuesday, supposedly I gave my
wife and kids tickets to see the Lion King for
Christmas. I have to look after the baby!" |
| Alexis |
4/12/21 |
"I need to pull out from Tuesday's game, my wife
broke waters and the baby is coming sooner than
expected" |
| Jon |
3/1/22 |
"I knackered my wrist falling over Ted just before
Christmas and it's still not right" |
| Nick Mortimer |
14/6/22 |
"Looking after the family dog tonight, apologies" |
| Gary |
19/6/22 |
"I'm out Bill. Caught covid and currently wishing
euthanasia was legal in Scotland. Or maybe if I ask
nicely at the vets they'll put me down" |
| Nick |
3/10/22 |
"Apologies - need to drop out tomorrow as caught
covid in Madrid" |
| Matty |
21/11/22 |
"Hey Bill - unfortunately I booked myself on to a
game of Tennis tomorrow so can't make it I'm afraid" |
| Matty |
16/2/23 |
"I'm afraid my litany of excuses are starting to
kick in again. We're currently in the planning for an
extension and Pam is looking at kitchens next Tuesday
evening - so I'm on childcare duties'"
After being dubbed Middle Class Matty:
"Sorry - I meant to say I'm going to visit my wife in
prison" |
| Steven Tierney |
6/3/23 |
"Hi Bill. I'm actually away for the next 2 Tuesdays
... Partner starts a new job in Abu Dhabi next Monday
and I'm heading out there for a week with her
tomorrow" |
| Keith Hardie |
23/3/23 |
"I'm afraid I’m out next week, seeing
Tim Peake speak at the Usher Hall"
|
| Adam Shaw |
14/4/23 |
"I'm out - away to Sheffield to watch the
snooker" |
| Steven Tierney |
11/8/23 |
"I'm out Bill. Iv got family
over and il most likely have to go drinking"
|
| Adam Shaw |
26/9/23 |
"My cars broke down in the middle of the road
transmission is f*cked. Can't make it tonight just
waiting for the AA. Breaks my heart I think this could
be the end of the BM" |
| Matty |
30/10/23 |
"Afraid not - trick or treating with the kids - log
that one on the website Bill!" |
| Greg Bissett |
5/12/23 |
"Won't be able to play again next Tuesday, have got
a game of Padel booked that evening" |
| Jordan |
5/3/24 |
"Hey Bill I won't be able to make it to night. I've
woken up to a swollen foot" |
