| Nickname | We're waiting for his wife to spill the
                      beans on that front, apparently - the mind boggles! | 
                  
                    | Date Of Birth | 16/4/82 | 
                  
                    | Place Of Birth | Edinburgh | 
                  
                    | Big Team | Hearts | 
                  
                    | Wee Team | Newcastle United | 
                  
                    | Favourite Player Ever | Baldy 'butter Zinedine Zidane | 
                  
                    | Position | Anything up the middle of the pitch - central defence,
                        holding midfielder, target man up front | 
                  
                    | Distinguishing Features | All black attire - and lots of black ink on
                      his arms | 
                  
                    | Lookalike | Suspect we're going to end up with a rugby
                      player here, though Mrs Faichney reckons he's a dead
                      ringer for Russell Crowe | 
                  
                    | Battlecry | Nothing specific, though he does like a good
                      mid-game bellow ... | 
                  
                    | Claim To Fame | Nothing so far, bar a full-on face off with Big Stu
                        during a recent game of 8s | 
                  
                    | 8s Debut | 29/8/17 | 
                  
                    | 8s Appearances in 2017 | 10 out of 49 (29%) | 
                  
                    | 8s Appearances in 2018 | 14 out of 46 (30%) | 
                  
                    | 8s Appearances in 2019 | 18 out of 50 (36%) |