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Sam Paulo
| Nickname | Beast |
| Date Of Birth | 24/12/83 |
| Place Of Birth | Glasgow |
| Big Team | Celtic |
| Wee Team | TBA |
| Favourite Player Ever | Diego Armando Maradona |
| Position | Anywhere he can use his pace - either up the wings or through the middle |
| Distinguishing Features | Lightning pace, lack of suitable footwear, Hulk-like physique, regular use of the bicycle kick in both attack and defence |
| Lookalike | Craig Bellamy (AKA The No Neck Monster) or Carlos Tevez |
| Battlecry | Just a dull WHOOSH as he turns on the afterburners and streaks up the pitch |
| Claim To Fame |
Scored on his Real debut - and then had the audacity to try a bicycle kick to tie the match in its dying seconds. His bizarre pre/mid match 'turf marking' ritual, involving kneeling down on the pitch and a faint whiff of Skips. |
| Road To The Real |
Part of the Merchy Massive - therefore wee Fahd |
| Debut Date |
9/12/08 |
| 5s Appearances in 2008 | 3 out of 48 (6%) |
| 8s Appearances in 2009 | 14 out of 46 (30%) |
| 8s Appearances in 2010 | 19 out of 43 (44%) |
| 8s Appearances in 2011 | 22 out of 49 (45%) |
| 8s Appearances in 2012 | 32 out of 49 (65%) |
| 8s Appearances in 2013 | 23 out of 48 (48%) |
| 8s Appearances in 2014 | 12 out of 50 (24%) |
| 8s Appearances in 2015 | 2 out of 51 (4%) |
| 8s Appearances in 2016 | 0 out of 50 (0%) |
| 8s Appearances in 2017 | 0 out of 49 (0%) |
| 8s Appearances in 2018 | 3 out of 46 (7%) |
| Total Appearances | 130 |